Compromise, Sacrifice and all that jazz

The other day I was listening to a radio jingle that has prompted me to write this post. It was about a complaining husband, who has been compromising things ever since his marriage. And then there’s a voice over: “Har waqt compromise compromise compromise.” Though I have no clue what he was compromising on, it was clear that this was an indication of him not leading a happy life because of his wife (who has made his life miserable).

We often come across such stereotypes in our society. The most common one about marriage and men is what I have mentioned above. While (most) men (think and) say that their freedom is threatened by an institution called marriage, they forget that there is also another person involved in this. The woman, his wife/partner.

The advertisements, movies and every form of media portray married men as losers who are wasting their lives. To add to this, they also make the men look happy when their wives are out of station or away from home.

What is ignored in the process is that the woman and her choices I’m not saying that all married women are subjected to some sort of restrictions when it comes to career and freedom, but majority of them have to ‘sacrifice.’ I deliberately use the word ‘sacrifice’ because of our so called Indian way of defining the ‘sati-savitri-sort-of-wife’.  In a patriarchal society like ours, most women have to, at some point of time, let go of their ambitions and end up taking care of the family. What we don’t wish to see here or ignore is that the woman (who has become the wife) loses her freedom as soon as she enters the man’s territory.

While he thinks always about he losing freedom because of his wife, he tends to conveniently ignore that this woman also is human and also is born with freedom which is curtailed at the very beginning of their relationship.  

And, it is surprising to see how people react when they find out that the husband is spending time with his wife or cooks or even goes shopping with her. The common perception here is that, he has succumbed (to her). Meaning, without boozing with his friends over a game of Cricket (which according to his male friends is FREEDOM), this is seen as an act of ‘compromise.’

Though the woman’s compromise/sacrifice here is ignored, the man is still in the focus. What we ought to think is, how long are we going to keep the man in focus even while he curtails the woman’s freedom? Doesn’t it testify the gender inequality persistent in our society? Think….and leave a message. You are free to oppose.

Here’s something to cheer you up:

They say: “Behind every successful man, there is a woman” But, the question is, “How many are successful?” :D

An enigma called Sainath

I assumed I fell into a reverie only to realize that I was about to meet this audacious person who became a demigod for many budding journalists (including me) in the last few years. I was worried over my predicament because I was completely unprepared for this moment. I was meeting this man, Palagummi Sainath, who likes to be  called a ‘rural reporter’. He has covered issues on social problems, rural affairs, poverty and other issues. He is the Rural Affairs Editor for the Hindu and also works for  India together.

Having read his, book, Everybody Loves a Good Drought, every word, every page and every chapter of the book kept resonating in my ears. I was anxious, nervous about this journey with him. It seemed like an invincible difficulty. While I was waiting for him, somehow, my attention was diverted to youngsters queuing up outside the palatial hotel. Assuming that they learnt of this rural reporter’s arrival, I jumped out of the car immediately to see if the man of the hour was signing autographs. However, to my disappointment, the chaos turned out to be for job interviews.

I took a deep breath. As I walked into the bijou hotel waiting to receive him at the lobby, he walked out of the elevator. I was speechless. “Did you have your breakfast, Tejaswini?” he asked and continued “This hotel serves the best breakfast in Bangalore,” he beamed. I was coy and quietly said “no.” As he walked to the car, I had forgotten the questions I wanted to ask. Those deep, penetrating eyes and his speech made an impact.

During our journey, he began the conversation by asking me where I was working. Probably, he sensed the nervousness in me and hence, thought the questions would help me warm up to him. He then asked what he was expected to speak at the convocation (of the 2012 batch) and added: “I do not want to speak to these enthusiastic budding journalists about the sad, bad world.”

I then asked where he was coming from and he instantly said Chennai. “I wanted a break. I was there because I was asked to deliver a key note at the meeting of Magasaysay award winners. Ela Bhatt, Swaminathan and many others were present,” he said.

Talking about IIJNM, he said he had met IIJNM’s dean in 2006 at a seminar. Having understood that the dean could never say anything against the US, Mr. Sainath said: “Ohhh! That man was all about ‘India Shining’ then. What an interesting man I say!” he said with a tinge of sarcasm. I nodded my head, trying to be diplomatic to nobble the Emperor of the hour.

While I was wondering whether to ask what he was currently working on, he said: “Do you have Bangalore Times with you? I want to show you something interesting,” and smirked. After stopping by a shop and buying the newspaper, he pointed out at the line below the mast head of The Bangalore Times (supplement of the Times of India) and said: “Look. After there’s been a hue and cry about paid news, TIMES has made this correction ‘ advertorial, entertainment promotional feature’, agreeing that their news is paid for.”

Immediately, I recollected an article I read on the hoot about this exact topic and asked him whether he read it. The answer was a “no”. But, he seemed impressed. Then, I mustered the courage to ask him what he was currently working on. “Hmm…I’m working on a story on the advertising of Bt Crops in newspapers (specially the Times and Monsanto),” he explained, adding that Monsanto company staff was delaying the response to his questions. “See, how they postpone things. They are scared. I just asked them the media angle. The bosses don’t have to be there to give that answer. An email reply would do,” he said.  When he said “scared”, I was thinking “who wouldn’t be scared of you Mr.Sainath. You have all the facts, evidences and the courage to strip a company of its laurels with one article of yours.” But I chose to keep my mouth shut.

Then... I told him that the first chapter from his book was etched in my head like an indelible scar. Giving the context of how he wrote stories, he said: “You cannot be somewhere else and write a rural story. Travel with people, know them, do what they do, eat what they eat, live how they live and that is when you’ll know what to write and how to do it.” I fell for those lines. “Damn! He is impressive. What a man!” I thought. Further, he said: “See, Tejaswini. I never planned to write a book or some such thing. It is just a collection of all my stories on deprivation. Currently, 35^th edition of the book is running,” he said, raising his thick eyebrows.

“You know, I had the opportunity to meet you and I couldn’t when you came for the screeining of Nero’s Guests (a film on farmer suicides in India)” I said. He replied: “I never watched Nero’s Guests until today. It was only some 15 minutes of the film during editing of the film when I was called to correct it, that I watched it,” he said, adding “May be this was your opportunity, Tejaswini. And that’s why you are here and you missed the earlier one.”

As I was itching to ask questions about the future of “development journalism”, he corrected me every single time I said development journalism. “You know, the term is absurd. It might sound like a fad, but say rural story or rural reporting. That makes sense and is specific,” Mr Sainath said. His words transported me to the day where I argued with the Deputy Resident Editor (DRE) of my previous company who expressed that “development journalism was boring and was for sisters in the kitchen.” I remember him asking me rudely why I wanted to do it and etc. I told him I was passionate and he said “bullshit!” Though I would like to still believe that he did not mean it, he actually did. Why? Because I put it to him in the lamest way ever and he came across many girls telling him the same thing.

“When you tell your editor you have a development story. He’ll not listen to it. He will give you an I-don’t-want-it look. Sell it as a story. Tell him what’s interesting about it, what you have in it and how it could benefit the newspaper. Now… that will click,” Sainath said. It was at this moment that I realized that I have been foolish and unable to sell my stories. I learnt my lesson.

Because he is the grandson of the former President V.V. Giri, I was excited to ask him what had inspired him to opt for such a profession where there are leaders/politicians. “To put it simply, during our time, freedom fighters were journalists. Here, I’m fighting for the freedom of expression. That’s the difference,” he told, adding “It happened to me very naturally. I love doing what I do. Every day is fun.”  “If you don’t enjoy something, Tejaswini… Don’t  do it,” he suggested.

“Isn’t poverty immeasurable?,” I asked. Well, I wouldn’t say that. If we give the specifics and define them properly, it can be. The factors have to be well-defined, you see, he said. “So is it the implementation that fails to happen?” I asked again. “Implementation can happen only when you take people into consideration. In our country, that doesn’t happen,” he said.  

But, you know what? I always tell people not to call it poverty or hunger. Call it “deprivation”. It makes more sense, Tejaswini. “Deprivation can be of many forms,” he said.

That was when these lines from his book struck me. “Too often, poverty and hunger get covered as events. That is, when some disaster strikes, when people die. Yet, poverty is about much more than starvation deaths or near famine conditions,” an excerpt from Everybody Loves a Good Drought.  

Later, I was expecting him to speak to me in Telugu after he understood that it was my mother tongue (it is his mother tongue too), I diverted the topic to something remotely close. Politics in Andhra Pradesh. As soon as I took Chandrababu Naidu’s name, he said: “The media portrayed him in a very wrong way during his tenure as the CM. It was publicity not reporting,” he fretted.

Look what he has done to farmers in the state. Look how they’re dying and see the current state of politics in the state. It is in a state of quandary, he said. Naidu has lost it. He will not come to power again, he said, adding that Jagan Mohan Reddy has become the game-changer in AP politics and how he is ripping apart Congress votes by gaining TRS’ support. “That’s what he did in the recent bypolls. And, as a tactic, YSR Congress won the Kovvur seat which was but obvious,” he said. As I was also aware of the background of this analysis, I contributed my part to the discussion which lasted a few minutes.

It then dawned to him that he was supposed to prepare a speech and began frantically penning down something which I couldn’t see.

Not knowing whether I could interrupt, I did it purposely. He did not react and in fact,replied. “I love this Mysore highway. I take this road to reach Wayanad. I come across two forests (the Bandipur forest and the Kerala one) on my way. What a pleasure it is to travel!” he said.

As the journey was nearing an end, I knew I had to tell him I quote him in all my opinion pieces on rural issues. He said “thank you” and smiled. And, then I was wondering whether I deserve to ask him his contact number. Somehow I decided that I don’t deserve to ask him that and hence, shifted to a safer option. His email Id.

The journey ended. It was a memorable one. I loathed missing the opportunity of meeting him earlier. But, I guess, this was in store for me and I couldn’t let go of it. The post might’ve looked exaggerated. But, for someone who wants to make a career in “rural reporting”, this was a golden opportunity which most envy and appreciate.

Well, I had a conversation with him and learnt my lessons. And, special thanks to my professor who thought I deserved this chance and chose me. 

Here’s something for all journalists: 

“Sell your labour, not soul” – P. Sainath

Hindutva propagation the Swadeshi way

“Use country made products and shun the use of imported products from foreign countries,” said a yogi in a white dhoti who received tremendous applause from the audience for his statement. 

For a moment, you may think you have been transported to the era of freedom struggle where freedom fighters made aggressive speeches, persuading people to use ‘Swadeshi’ goods. But wait, this was no freedom fighter’s speech, though the set up and the people dressed in white ‘symbolising’ peace’ give you that impression.

This was at the launch of products by Patanjali Ayurved Limited, run by Yoga guru Baba Ramdev. From the green-coloured (sweet tasting) Amla juice being served to guests who were sceptical to accept it to the middle-aged women in pristine white cotton saree with golden border  (Kerala saree) welcoming Swamiji with flowers, everything seemed more like a mini-spiritual meeting at an ashram.

The cacophony of mobile ringtones and mic disturbance assaulted people’s ears. While tiny tots, on one side, showered praises on their demi-god Acharya Balakrishna ji with their melodious songs, irky ringtones and random disturbance filled the air. 
Though members of Patanjali Ayurved Ltd. managed to make the already ‘spiritually- hallucinated audience’ hate the West for entering the Indian markets, they were also entertained at the very sight of a Western product. The Flower Gun! They kept shooting flowers every time Acharya ji lit a lamp, smiled, moved or even adjusted his dhoti. Yes, we could see quite some hate for Western products there!

And, this was being thoroughly enjoyed by media persons who shouted ‘replay’ for the Flower Gun’s thundering act that almost deafened them. Though every cell in their body was screaming to stage a walk-out, this flower gun’s held them back and cheered them up. However, some of them frantically flipped pages of their notepads to shoot questions while some began scorning the PR guy for taking up such “pathetic and sad” events.  

What raised eyebrows the timid voice of a lady shouting “Bharat Mata Ki jai and Vande Mataram” during the launch while others, unhesitantly, followed suit. As if the patriotic feeling oozing out of everyone was not enough, Achraya began his speech with “Om”, only to be followed by “Bachna Ae Haseeno” song in the background.

Meanwhile, children looked like mannequins dotting the hall, displaying Patanjali’s products while their moms were successful in making the photographers for spoiling every “beautiful” picture. 

This apart, lunch was totally different from what was expected out of Baba’s followers. While everyone assumed green vegetables, Amla juice, Aloevera juice and herbs to rule the menu, the trademark Hyderabadi (veg) Dum biryani, hogged the limelight.

Well, we do not know if the products would be a hit among people. But what we do know is that the Yoga guru makes an event appealing even without his presence. Is that “Power Yoga” now?

What have we become!!!

The advent of social networking sites has made most of us sitting ducks in the real world. But, in the virtual world, each of us are active online, tweeting/facebooking about our daily chores, interests, posting pictures of a recent party we attended, posting pictures to ask friends whether the 'look' suits us, what we are reading and letting the world know what we are upto at every second in our life. SNSes have penetrated into our lives to a point where we are unable to stop it. The urge to constantly update about your activities has become common.

And, then, we have friends who wait for us to update our facebook/ twitter statuses and 'like' them just for the heck of it. If people like your pictures, you are seen as someone Mr/Ms Perfect. And, then we start judging people by looking at their pictures on Facebook. Under this category, there are yahoos who send friend requests to beautiful/attractive/pretty/good-looking girls and ask all sorts of weird questions like "wana do frndship with me/can we be friends/I want to talk to you/Hey, How are you?" And, there are some who POKE these girls. These poker faces who try to strike a conversation with the girl, just by reading her profile information. This is an attempt to act intelligent or act like he knows the subject she is dealing with or the college she belongs to or pretend to know people from her college or workplace. What they don't understand is that they are making a fool out of themselves and the girl is just being nice to them.

And, then there are girls who are even crazier and have a 'Holier than thou' feeling. they think the whole world is smitten by their pictures uploaded online. For them, their looks matter the most in life and impressing a guy is like the biggest achievement in their lives. They have (girl) friends who are exactly like them and then bitch about those same friends on their back to others. And among these, if a guy approaches a girl for something, say help or a favour, the friends (who cannot think straight) begin linking up this friend to the poor guy who is least interested in any of those schmucks.

Even marriages happen on Facebook nowadays. People put up all sorts of pictures of their partners, wanting the whole world to know that they are "happily" married, though 'happily' is very questionable in this case. And then. there are fights on Facebook, twitter.

And then there are SNS fanatics, who think their life is being fucked up big time, they have all the problems in the world and vent it out on social networking sites. In fact, they are the most depressing people on Earth. They vent out their anger on the government, they pick on everyone around them, they don't like their workplace and they crib 24X7. All this on a social networking site and once a person points a finger at them. These SNS fanatics indulge in verbal abuse online, forget their limits, invade one's privacy and scorn them in such a way that the poor person who posted a link/ status on the SNS regrets it. Mind you, in the process, this fanatic thinks he is on top of the world and rules it, when, on the other side, his life is fucked up big time and he cannot get out of virtual world which he assumes as his real world.  

While these are some examples of what we are becoming because of the social networking sites, we have forgotten where to draw the line between our personal and virtual lives. Virtual behaviour also matters. It matters because you are under constant public scrutiny and therefore, have to watch what you reveal/say.

       

My Bucket List

1. To scream into the office secret camera and say "Gotcha!"

2. To go an adventure trip all by myself

3. To live in a village for two years or more

4. Teach kids in village

5. Adopt a girl child

6. Go to Australia

7. To slipper Rahul Gandhi and tell him "You Suck"

8. To walk in the jungle all alone

9. To write a book (non-fiction)

10. To have my own column in a newspaper or magazine dedicated to developmental issues 

11. To read all the books I have (half of which I haven't touched)

12. To become thin (or at least look thin)

13. To try out clothes I have never tried before

14. To go out with a complete stranger

15. To punch someone in the stomach (This is to put 10 years of my Karata Training to use)

16. To get married to someone I've known for long enough (and not a stranger at all)

17. To party in a pub, meet new gay friends

18. To meet Amartya Sen

19. To meet Chandrababu Naidu

20. To run a school for the orphans

21. To understand what Engineers do

22. To climb the Mount Everest

23. To walk on a beach where there are no people and dream (Just me)

24. To tell "pseudo journalists" not to ruin the profession anymore

25. To have a pet dog

26. To drive a Jeep and a truck

27. To be out of contact with everyone for a year

28. To disassociate myself with caste and religion

29. To see a caste-less India

30. To burn all the hooligans, who in the name of a Bandh, burn buses and create trouble

31. To fly an airplane

32. To see Hockey or Football take over Cricket's popularity in India

33. To travel in a Cruise to a foreign country

34. To do bungee jumping
35. To go sky diving

36. To hold a snake  

37. To become a Vendetta for a day (like "V" in the move V for Vendetta)

38. To study anything related to human rights/gender issues/child rights
39. To stop thinking for a day
40. To write a Sports story
41. To get on to a stage at a concert and sing like no one's watching
42. To visit every state in India
43. To watch the Olympic Games
44. To have a house with my own farm in it
45. To go Scuba Diving
46. To Trend on Twitter
47. To Take a tour of the White House and read the President's Book of Secrets, written by every American President to the next
48. To learn to play a musical instrument
49. To visit Antarctica
50. To work at The Hindu and do development stories



there's more to come...the list is subject to change at any point of time
      

   

Things fall apart for the King of Good Times

"Whatever the situation, do not neglect alcohol. No other refreshment will do. Yes, alcohol kills brain cells but it's very selective. It only kills the brain cells that contain good sense, shame, embarrassment and restraint," wrote, author P.J.O'Rourke in his book, The Bachelor Home Companion. 

This describes the paraphernalia of the situation the Indian liquor and airline baron, chairman of United Breweries Group (UB) and MP, Vijaya Mallya, often known as the King of Good Times (for whatever reasons), is in. 

While Kingfisher (KF) Airlines appears to be in a state of quandary, the liquor baron has come out openly seeking the government to bail out his airline. Responding to the Airline's request, though reluctantly at first, the government gave a nod for it. 

Now, why should the government help a private airline (financially)? What is its motive behind this? Will other airlines follow suit if government offers a bail-out package to KF? are few of the many questions lingering in our heads.

But, there is more to the crisis than meets the eye. 

The merger of Air India with Indian Airlines and that of Kingfisher prepared ground for the downfall of the Airline during 2007-08, unexpectedly. There was another merger of Kingfisher with Air Deccan, two humongous loss-makers, during the same time that contributed to further losses. The merger of KF and Deccan was hailed as a merger which would make KF Airline the largest player in the domestic aviation market and pave way for Mallya to fly his flights to overseas destinations.

Cuckoo Paul, associate editor at Forbes India, in her article, brings out the similarities between Deccan and KF Airlines: "The two are joined at the hip in many ways. Brand new planes combined with massive debt, cancelled flights, delayed salaries and frustrated lenders. All kinds of cookie-cutter solutions have been tried to revive them. Yet both remain on the flight path to perdition."

Similarly, in an article published in the DNA in 2007, an analyst from a foreign brokerage house said: "Mallya is taking delivery of the long haul Airbuses in 2008 and there is no way he would have allowed these high-cost assets to sit idle. With Deccan’s permits, Kingfisher will be able to commence international operations by mid-2008, as Deccan completes the mandatory five years of domestic service." 

This has, however, taken a severe beating on KF's brand image which has been treading a dangerous territory for the past few years.

According to a PTI story on official statistics : 

• The losses for the National Aviation Company of India Ltd (NACIL), which runs Air India, more than doubled from Rs 2,226.16 crore in 2007-08 to Rs 5,548 crore in 2008-09. 
• Similarly, Kingfisher’s losses rose almost four times from Rs 408.91 crore to Rs 1,602 crore during the same period, the figures have shown. The 2008-09 losses for liquor baron Vijay Mallya’s airline were recorded after its merger with low-cost carrier Air Deccan.

Besides merger, very high fuel costs, the global economic downturn and comparatively low yields due to heightened competition also contributed to the rise in their losses. However, the government has defended its decision for merging the two State-owned carriers saying that the combining their critical mass or size would be a key factor in helping them survive and prosper amid a fierce global and domestic competition.

Aviation industry's vulnerability

Despite incurring heavy losses, the government has offered to help the cash-strapped airline that is unable to pay its employees their pending salaries. Though most of them opine that the government's bail-out plan is not the right and the only solution  (because it, ultimately, involves taxpayers' money), the government (read: politicians) which has benefited and basked in the glory of KF's success, once upon a time, has to repay the former in some way or the other, if not there is a dire threat to the country's economy. Also, politicians have misused their power by having control over the aviation industry, making it more vulnerable than ever. 

The whole saga of Praful Patel, former aviation minister, exemplifies politicians' control over the industry. 

(Here's an article on the controversy). 
For example: A politician telephones Mallya and asks him to book a flight for the guests attending his daughter's wedding. And, why wouldn't the "King of Good Times" do it when he does not have to pay the tax, which is offered as a bait as part of their deal.

Now, why the State Bank of India (SBI), a state-owned Corporation, has to dole out another Rs15,000-crore package to save the limping airline?   

According to a report, despite the 19-bank consortium, of which SBI is a part, had serious misgivings over extending further credit to the sinking airline as their earlier loans have now been listed as non-performing assets, SBI had no option to to heed to KF's demands. As a result, SBI has suddenly broken ranks with the rest to push through the package on its own.

It also raises the question as to whether the norms have been followed by public sector banks in extending the fresh loan to Kingfisher which is on the verge of bankruptcy.

Credit Appraisal Committee Norms Violated

Proposals for such loans have to be vetted by the credit appraisal committee of the bank (a committee, before sanctioning a loan, looks into the company's repaying ability, its assets for security purposes and company's shares value in the market) and the Kingfisher case does not seem to be the type that ought to have easily passed muster. 

In April last year, Mallya got the country's public sector banks, including SBI and Punjab National Bank, to come up with a restructuring package which had them convert their debt into equity.

These banks had to buy shares of the loss-making company at a premium and reduce interest rates on loans. In the process,  the banks had to take a hair cut of Rs 500 crore when the value of Kingfisher shares plummeted to less than half the original value. (Source)

In both cases, SBI has clearly violated the committee's norms by offering a bail-out package.

After SBI offered the bail-out package, its shares plunged 8 per cent over KF's exposure concerns. Despite fall in shares and other woes associated in helping the Airline, the government is still shamelessly supporting it. This also brings to a point about where all the money is coming from. It is taxpayers' money. Here's a detailed analysis by Firstpost on how Mallya flew high on taxpayers money.     

Burden on SBI-affiliated branches 

That being said, there is also a side to the SBI which only its employees are aware of. On one side, this largest banking and financial services institution in the country offers a bail-out package to an ailing airline whose supremo is a billionaire and on the other, it pesters its employees even if there are Non-performing Assets (NPAs) worth Rs 40 to 50 crore (which they are not able to recover. The point, here, is not that it should let go off defaulters without repaying their loans, but to see where it is heading).

In the process, the parent bank (SBI) is not affected, but sub-branches and rural banks affiliated to the SBI bear the brunt. Often, rural banks are blamed for the losses incurred by the parent bank while the latter is excused.   

While the question about who will make up for the losses is open to guesswork, it is high time that Mallya realizes that sometimes "things fall apart" in life. 

P.S:  Here's an article that tells us something we did not know about Mallya.  

Sex education not so sexy in India

Here's the link to my article on YouthkiAwaaz.

The ludicrous episode of three Karnataka ministers watching porn during the assembly session brings to the forefront a significant question of how sex is viewed in our society. Leaving beside how their attempts to justify their action proved futile, this (incident) is a classic example of how soft porn or sex, in our society, has crept from bedroom sheets to public places and other media too.

From Babas, (read: Nityananda Swami’s sex scandal) who are synonymous to Gods in India, to Babus who have left no stone unturned in exploring their sexual side at work, our country has it all. The increasing use of smart phones and Internet also gives a larger picture of how adult content has become all pervasive. Porn clips available for free online provide more reasons than one for people, including children, to watch them. That being said, screening online content is not possible as there is no control over the flow of information on internet. For example, the mini advertisements which appear online on a webpage woo people into buying a product and once the person clicks on the ad, unknowingly, he or she bumps into a porn site. This happens or has happened to all of us, at some point of time, while surfing the net

Further, sleaze in films, a form of adult content, has become acceptable more than ever now. Songs like ‘Chikni Chameli, Munni Badnaam Hui, Sheela ki Jawaani, Bapuji zara dheere chalo’ with perverse meanings and actors dancing in skimpy clothes point to a burgeoning trend in movies normalising adult content. 
And, with some theatres screening only adult movies, we have already allowed soft porn into our lives. Adding to this, certification of movies with voyeuristic content, promiscuity and sleaze as U (Unrestricted Public Exhibition) or sometimes, UA (Unrestricted Public Exhibition but with parental discretion for children below 12 yrs. of age) also needs to be checked. 
This sheer violation of some provisions under section 5A of Part II of Cinematographic Act of 1952, under which the Central Board of Film Certification falls, has made adult content acceptable in society and people are content seeing its proliferation in the new media, even among kids who discuss it.

A survey conducted by MTV and published in Mint, found that sexual awareness picks up somewhere in the late teens and that most youth are sexually active by the time they are 24 years of age. The survey also revealed the gender differences in their attitude towards sexual promiscuity. While one out of two males found sexual promiscuity to be a sign of coolness and sexual prowess for a single guy, the ratio was two for every five females. Similarly, on the issue of sexual promiscuity being a sign of loose morals for a girl, more than one out of two men believed so, while only two out five females thought so. A survey conducted by India Today on ‘sex life of youngsters’ in our country found that urbanisation in India has led to shaping of sexual identities, not only in the physical realm but also in the psychological space. This clearly marks a shift in attitudes towards the concept of sex, while sex and sexuality education still remains largely ignored.

What is Sex and Sexuality Education?
Sex education includes the anatomy of organs, how they function, contraception and prevention of sexually transmitted diseases. But, sexuality education is something that involves sexual personality considering the personal, social, behavioural, emotional, psychological and inter-personal aspects.
The difference between sex and sexuality education is that sex education is biological but sexuality education is social construct and is about identity.

Most doctors, sexologists and psychologists opine that parents have to teach their children sexuality etiquette like they teach social etiquette because they can be the best supervisors than teachers in this matter. While sex education still remains a topic of debate, the age at which one should impart sex education to kids still varies from person to person. This apart, parents must also impart sexuality education as soon as the child recognizes himself or herself. This means, parents should teach their children about their biological attributes and their development. At the same it is also important to help the child regulate and guard his or her physicality. As a result, this can prevent a child from becoming a victim of child sex abuse.

Gender and Identity Issues as part of Sexuality Education
Sexuality education is associated to gender and identity because it includes social, biological and more significantly, individual contribution. It is important to note that gender and sexual orientation can be different from person to person while the anatomy remains the same. So, discussing this makes it easier for children to understand that every person is different from the other individual irrespective of the fact that genital organs remain same. Sex education allows children to be confident and empowered to make choices that will affect not only their own lives but also lives of other people. This also empowers them to stand up to abuse, exploitation and unwanted pregnancies.

Myths about Sex Education
The necessity to impart sex and sexuality education emerges from the fact that there are misconceptions regarding the same. People are either ignorant or know very less about it. Sometimes, they are afraid too. For example, very often one cannot talk about reproduction to a five-year-old child because it can be information overload. Instead, one can explain it from the point of view of contact and attention. Good contact and bad contact, acceptable and not-acceptable attention. Sex education has an impact on child’s psyche too. Depending on the child’s understanding of the subject, parents have to increase the degree of information based on child’s age and ability. A child definitely becomes curious to know what is happening to his or her body during puberty. At that time, instead of complicating the issue, parents have to explain to their kids that the physical changes are normal.

A myth that imparting sex education escalates sexual activity in children also exists. According to the data obtained from Enfold Proactive Health Trust website, a survey of 35 sex education projects conducted by the World Health Organization found that sex education in schools did not encourage young people to have sex at an earlier age or more frequently. The survey pointed out that early sex education delays the start of sexual activity, reduces sexual activity among young people and encourages those already sexually active to have safer sex.

Enfold found a similar sentiment expressed by over 400 high school students surveyed after a course on human sexuality had been conducted for them. “An informed child is the one who knows how it works and therefore, knows whether it is safe to indulge in a sexual activity or not,” says, Dr. Sangeeta Saksena, founder of Enfold Proactive Health Trust. “If an uninformed child wants to indulge in any sexual activity, he or she has to pay the price for his or her choice,” she adds.

Explaining Sexuality to Children
While most parents do not know how to unravel sex as a concept to their children, it is also important that they take cues from children and decided on the right time to talk to their children about sexuality. When children behave differently or throw tantrums to get rid of a relative or a family member, do not shun it away interpreting it as bad behaviour, say experts, who state that it signifies the child’s reluctance to be with that person.

The Role of Teachers
Though there is much hue and cry about introducing sex education into classrooms, the role of teachers in shaping sexuality of a child also matters. A sexuality education teacher should be prepared and comfortable to deal with the topic rather than sweat through a class.
According to an www.justdotherightthing.org, an online course for teachers, a sex education teacher should use four methods – Information and fact-giving, discussion, various teaching techniques and peer education to teach teens about sex.

Books to Create Awareness
Books also can help the parents to educate children on sex, sexuality and gender issues. Shobhna S. Kumar, director of Queer Ink, a website on gender and sexuality issues, sex education shapes a young person’s skills and knowledge to make informed choices about their behaviour and its consequences. “It is also wrong to use ‘Indian culture’ to hide behind an issue that is crucial in child development that will shape how responsibly or irresponsibly they will live their lives in future,” she said. She suggests some books which can be helpful for parents and teachers to teach sex and sexuality education to children. ‘Girlology: A Girl’s Guide to Stuff that Matters”, “But How’d I Get in There in the First Place?’, ‘The Orange Book – a workbook for teachers’ and ‘ Good Times for Everyone: Sexuality Questions, Feminist Answers’ are some of such books.

The irony is that despite the introduction of programs like Adolescent Education Programme by the Department of Education and the National AIDS Control Organisation in partnership with UNICEF, UNESCO and UNFPA, sex and sexuality education is not being addressed adequately in schools or by parents when there is a dire need for it in an evolving society like ours.

Of Mediotic Creatures and Sensationalism

Of late, I have been observing that every movie, book and article points out to the preposterous or 'mediotic' (media+idiotic) questions newsmen (especially broadcast) ask their sources (people/ officials, etc) in order to sensationalize even the smallest issue on this Earth.

According to the old adage: 'If a dog bites man, it is not news. But, if a man bites dog, that's news.' Nowadays, the former phrase in the proverb also has become News, irrespective of the subject in question.  Adding to this, is the constant pressure on producers to hook the audience to the Television, assuming viewers are idiots watching animate objects move on the screen. 

Well, if they want their TRPs, they should know that asking a person how he or she feels after suffering stab wounds, would not make it EXCLUSIVE but make people switch to another channel that doesn't boast of its "EXCLUSIVE" coverage. Why don't the morons understand that an exclusive story is something that a person/ the organization has done/ acquired or gathered on its own and doesn't appear everywhere, like it does here, on all the news channels.

Meanwhile, Telugu news channels make it even worse. Apart from conveniently making people hate them (news channels and newsmen), they attempt to switch from talking in Telugu to English even if it is not written in the script just to prove their 'journalistic abilities' which make them appear like inabilities instead. That said, speculation (about what's gonna happen in Chintu's house? Who is Chintu's neighbour and all that jazz) is something that (they assume) adds zest to their life and misery to ours. While all this drama exists on one side, ethics are gone to the dogs on the other. 

Well, yes breaking a story gives a KICK to a journalist. But, that person must be aware of the good and bad sides of that story. Journalists, who call themselves that, think they are above law, can unleash their power over the government and unravel the mysteries by telling the truth to people?  Excuse me! You are not given the right to pester people by asking them questions before dying. Asking them how they feel "what? before dying you mean?". You are not there to shoot a video allowing a man to immolate himself, when you can actually save his life instead of 'showing the truth to the world." You'd rather become a hero by throwing that camera in the trash can and rushing that man to the nearest hospital rather than comfortably shooting it like a lifeless object.   

On the other hand, the crime shows on these news channels are some real fun (pun intended). If you are bored in life and do not know what to do, watch these shows. You can learn acting, voice modulation, how to give different expressions and most importantly, you can learn how to act like a ferocious creature with a motive to kill or stab someone. The anchors who narrate a crime story make a mockery of themselves. The narration goes somewhat like this: "Karan looked all tired and exhausted when he returned home. He threw his bag aside and sat on the couch (anchor's pitch rises suddenly). But, he was not aware  of the fact that he was about to kiss hell's foot. (At this moment, viewers are like..."eh...hell's foot?? Where did that come from now?") His beautiful wife, Mallika, was standing behind him at that time. (at this moment, audiences keep wondering what the anchor is trying to say?). And, to know what happened next, come back soon after the BREAK." Well, yeah, viewers want to smash your head now!        

These are some foolish ways to keep the viewers hooked to the television. Why would the viewers want to watch someone who looks like he'd jump out the TV screen and kill them right away? Obviously, viewers would prefer Robert Pattinson drinking their blood rather than some hooligan from some TV0 (or whatever number) eating their head. 

Another instance of 'making a foll out of her/himself' moment' I came across was when this TV news anchor asked how Anirudh ('Kolaveri Di' song composer) was related to Dhanush when the latter had already mentioned that Dhanush was his cousin's (Aishwarya, Rajinikanth's daughter) husband. 

Simply put, those who call themselves journalists should do a reality check and see what they want to do. And, it is not like you can appear before anyone and ask all sorts of ridiculous questions (make a fool out of yourself) when you haven't even read or done enough research on that person/ subject. It is like asking who 'Bapuji' in India without even reading or knowing Indian history or how India got independence.   

P.S. All the Telugu news anchors, please talk in one language, either Telugu or English.

New Year Mess'age'

As I see a slew of posts, reviews and recaps of 2011, for me, 2012 began in an unexpected way. Though I rather prefer the "Joy of Silence" on New Year's eve and even after that, this time it turned out to be "Joy of sound, mess and more". 

On 31st night, I had spent most of my time at office, given my profession and the unusual timings that go with it. I was sleepy, down with fever and more importantly, hungry. My colleagues at office were kind enough not to send me home hungry and offered me a samosa, which I ate shamelessly. Though I was invited for a party at my friend's place, I wasn't sure whether I was going for it, until I got out of the office. Finally, while I was walking on the road at 10.30 pm in the night, I was taken aback by someone who called me 'randy'. I thought I it was my premonition. I heard that MAN call me 'randy' again. I thought of reacting to his statement, but given the mood people would be in on that night, I let it go. And, I assumed that one of the reasons he called me that was because that area is full of prostitutes after 10 pm and may be, he just felt I was one among them. This was first of the many jolts I received on that day. 

After this, I had decided to go to my friend's house party. I took an auto and couldn't get out of the 'randy shock' even while I was on my way to friend's place. I reached the place and tried to be as composed as possible, restricting myself from swinging to the pounding beats. However, many people tried to drag me in, but I still was comfortable in my own shoes. 

My friend's repeatedly kept telling me to enjoy the party while I was under the assumption that I would not get drunk at the party. I was very sure that I would just be fine throughout. But, that didn't really happen.  At first, I didn't really speak to anyone at the party, as and when I kept guzzling Vodka, I began knowing people and eventually knew everyone around. This was not all. I began throwing up. I felt terrible, embarrassed and a lot more. May be, because it was the first time I was drinking so much at once go and couldn't take it all.  

Emabarrassing because I never wanted to get drunk in front of people I hardly knew. Also, because my very own friends were shocked to see me booze. With that disaster, my friend's aspersions were all shunned and they were left with nothing but helping me whenever I puked.  I was feeling guilty on one side, and happy on the other. Though I knew why I was guilty, I did not know the reason for my happiness. I experienced two different emotions at the same time. Strange as it sounds, my friends helped be come back to normal state, though I do not remember what I uttered. Alcohol took a toll on me but I was trying hard not to sleep and stay composed. Yes, even when I was high. 

All these were like jolts one after another, making me realize what I would turn into when I get drunk. The Hangover was bad. And, I had promised to myself that I would never drink again and that was my last. I felt good for celebrating New Year  with some of the most important people in my life but on the other it turned out to be adventurous for a girl who never wanted to reveal that side of her which she had. That too to strangers. 

Though I'm partially guilty for being so sloshed, am happy I tried it for once and would never do it again. Here's wishing you a very happy and 'you should get all you want' New Year :):)

Stay happy, stay safe :) 

Love and Hugs :) 

Women, men and Virginity!!!!

Recently, when I was discussing my holiday plans with my parents about visiting a place alone or with my (male) friends, they said I couldn't go alone or with my friends. Though I knew they were disinterested in allowing me to go with my friends, I had asked them why they disliked the idea. My father tried to do away with the situation by saying "I hope you understand."  Because I wasn't sure of what he actually meant, I asked him, again. He told me that "you are a girl, you should understand."  By then, I had understood that if I  dig deep into the issue, it will get dirty. And, therefore I shut my mouth and left the place.

The whole point behind a big "NO" was about a caring father being worried about his daughter. Simple as it sounds, the complexity in it is about his daughter's virginity. Yes, VIRGINITY. 

This point got me thinking about the issue further. Though I come from a god-fearing family where issues like sexuality etc are discussed openly among each other, sex before marriage still  remains a taboo. And, while you are reading this, you have to remember that my parents believe that their daughter is a  virgin.

Though the point here is not about my virginity, but virginity in general. Losing one's virginity is one's choice. But, women losing their virginity are spoken about a LOT. And, sometimes, called sluts. (for god's sake its their choice)  For instance: If there's a girl named A who is having sex with a man for the first time (which means she is losing her virginity), what if she tells her friends (if asked) that she is not a virgin. After that, the poor girl who enjoyed the experience with the man, is bombarded with 1000 questions from various people who start judging her. Why do we have to judge her about her personal experiences and life?

But, the same doesn't happen with men. If a MAN loses his virginity, its not so big or just not a matter of consideration, unless he wants to make it BIG (Pun intended). And, the sooner (the younger) the woman/girl looses her virginity, she is seen as "someone who sleeps with everyone" or tagged as "characterless" etc. While the man is not even talked about in this case. In fact, the contrary happens, he is viewed as someone "powerful". 

And, if the man, before having sex with a virgin (girl), gets to know that she is a virgin, it is a boost to his ego and gives him a feeling like  "Yeah! I'm the one who is going to nail her" and that's when whole male-chauvinist theory comes alive (in BED). And, the poor girl is, however, nailed!! 

Why is "girls losing virginity" such a big deal? Why is it that the same doesn't apply to men? Why do we think that women become "characterless" and men become "powerful" once they lose their virginity? 

Even this, is one of the several ways in which women are discriminated, exploited, harassed (mentally), irrespective of what situation they go through.   

Well,  just give it a thought. That's the whole point behind writing this. 

And if you think, the WEST has influenced me, NO! The Indian society's influence has gone beyond limits in my case. I also am an Indian, a woman who thinks differently, who questions (may be not everything) but at least something which (I feel) is quixotic.